The Wolf in Sheeps Clothing

I’m a relationship girl, always have been.  I have been in long term relationships since I was 16 years old.  Four boyfriends, two of which I thought might be the one…plot twist, they weren’t.  In fact, one even decided he identified as a woman.  Hey, good for him/her, but damn I didn’t see that one coming.  A 7 year relationship ending (completely blindsided me) and a 3 1/2 year relationship (we bought a house & everything) couldn’t have prepared me for the heartbreak I experienced this summer.  Wild how that works isn’t it.  

I am not telling my story for anybody to feel bad for me, in fact, most of this mess is something I still blame myself for, which is actually the worst part of it all.  It isn’t my fault, it never was.  I spent months thinking I was a worthless human being, with my family & friends doing everything they could to assure me I couldn’t be more wrong.  I am not a casual woman, but this one, I truly thought this was more than that, so I said why not?  I let somebody into the deepest parts of me, which is actually something that takes me awhile to get comfortable enough to do.  This, this just felt right and this person was everything I needed them to be at the time.  I promise myself today I will never make that mistake again.

When I tell you I fell in love, I fell in love hard & fast.  I didn’t even have time to catch myself before I could really digest my feelings.  When I was finally able to do so, I was already deep in a hole I couldn’t get out of.  I’ve had my heart broken before, but this, this ruined me.  They warn you about “situationships” or whatever the hell you call them and I thought it was a big fat joke.  The wolf in sheeps clothing, it’s real.  I think after the trauma of this, I might be team Edward and not team Jacob after all.

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