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I Lied

It’s been awhile and frankly, things haven’t been great.  In fact, they have been pretty fucking awful.  I said 2025 was going to be the year of “me”.  I had/have every intention of this, but somehow in these first 2 months of 2025, I failed myself.  I told you all I wasn’t going to talk about the boy that broke my heart.  He wasn’t worth my energy or thoughts anymore.  I guess, I lied.  Maybe that’s how I know how much I really did care.   A few weeks ago, I wrote his name on a rock and threw it into the ocean.  That was supposed to be it.  I felt ready to let go.  I wasn’t, not even close.  Truth is, a post on Valentine’s Day crushed me deeper than I even know I could be crushed.  Social media is a deadly disease, it really is.  Frankly, I think social media is partly why I suffer from depression as bad as I do. I continuously wonder what I did wrong, to have been there for this boy at his darkest times and to just ...
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My Turn

Well, here we are, six days into 2025.  Although I’m trying to stay positive this year, it has kind of been a rough start.  Friday was an emotional day for some reason.  This weekend, I just wanted to stay home and hibernate.  Sometimes, you just need weekends like that, where you just stay cozied up on the couch, watching sports or a trashy tv show.  The Bills were already in the playoffs, so I could watch that game in peace and not stress.   This year, my goal is to really work on myself and figure out myself.  There are a lot of things I want to achieve this year, but I am infamous for not having patience and wanting it all right now.  I need to be better about that.  I also need to be better about having faith in myself.  I have always been extremely hard on myself, but I feel the last year was the worst.   At the end of the day, we are all people.  We all have struggles.  We all have good and bad days.  I need to...
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Short & Sweet

I’ve been MIA lately.  The holidays are always hectic and working 2 jobs (one of which is retail) is always just insanity this time of the year.  I guess staying busy is always good though, it keeps your mind from wandering. Three more days left in 2024.  It is crazy to think it will be 2025 and a quarter of the century has passed us by.  Although this has been a difficult year, there have been many lessons learned.  I could sit here & tell you how much I hated this year, but in all honesty, this year has probably made me the strongest I have ever been.   My main goal for 2025 is to focus on myself.  There are a lot of things I’d like to achieve both personally and professionally.  I will be a 2nd year student in Bankers School, which is a huge accomplishment for me.  I have also put a big focus on health & wellness.  I am even researching protein powder for my smoothies lol. This entry is short & sweet (Sabrina Carpenter fan...
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Burn the pages, but you can’t erase it

I was ready to share my story of heartbreak and trauma, but today, something changed.  I have spent so many seconds, minutes, hours, in tears or staring at the ceiling wondering what the hell is wrong with me.  What is wrong with me?  I am wasting valuable time of my life depressed and upset over something that isn’t worth any of my energy to begin with. Today, I am choosing to not let what happened this year, define me.  I am choosing to not let it ruin me.  I am choosing to not let it affect any more of my time.  You see, I was reminded today that time is valuable and we don’t have much of it. For me to spend so much of my time unhappy, it seems silly when I am capable of so much more.  Lord knows I am worth wayyy more. I’m too pretty for this 😂 This blog was going to be my story, which in turn, is actually his story, because I am letting him take more energy from me.  Time really is precious and I do not want to spend another second feeling li...
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The Wolf in Sheeps Clothing

I’m a relationship girl, always have been.  I have been in long term relationships since I was 16 years old.  Four boyfriends, two of which I thought might be the one…plot twist, they weren’t.  In fact, one even decided he identified as a woman.  Hey, good for him/her, but damn I didn’t see that one coming.  A 7 year relationship ending (completely blindsided me) and a 3 1/2 year relationship (we bought a house & everything) couldn’t have prepared me for the heartbreak I experienced this summer.  Wild how that works isn’t it.   I am not telling my story for anybody to feel bad for me, in fact, most of this mess is something I still blame myself for, which is actually the worst part of it all.  It isn’t my fault, it never was.  I spent months thinking I was a worthless human being, with my family & friends doing everything they could to assure me I couldn’t be more wrong.  I am not a casual woman, but this one, I truly thought thi...
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It’s me, hi

The last time I did this, I was 15 and a HTML wizard. MySpace was just blowing up and creating the perfect background and profile was a way of life.  I was EXCELLENT by the way.  Almost 20 years later, here I am, back in the saddle. It seems strange that I would want to put my trials & tribulations on the internet, for all to see.  The truth is, I do live a pretty uneventful life, but, for some reason, this last year has really been a “fuck around find out year”.  I have found that sharing my experiences, life lessons, traumas, it really does help others.  It is always nice to know you aren’t alone.   Ultimately, I decided to start this blog as an outlet for myself.  Sometimes, just writing something out is all the therapy you need (don’t worry, I am still going to therapy haha).  I hope that at least one person can feel better in their darkest days, knowing they aren’t alone in this mess we call life.  It isn’t all bad, I promise.  ...
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